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It's been quite some time since my last post and much has happened: I've started reading the Bible again on an almost daily basis, my depression has decreased and my anxiety has become more manageable, I'm setting aside more time for my skincare and beauty routine in the mornings, I started wearing makeup more often and it's actually bettered my skin (!!), and lastly I'm making moves to develop myself more professionally in the new year by taking HUGE risks.
At first glance my 2019 couldn't look any brighter and - to an extent - that's true. I really feel like this year will be so much kinder to me than last year. As many of you know, I was pretty depressed for the majority of my first year in Dallas and considered leaving multiple times due to feeling lonely, stuck, and overwhelmed; 2018 felt like a series of massive waves just buffeting against my heart. I really didn't know how much I'd miss home - especially KCF and my friends in New York.
But I knew that I had to stay in Dallas because my time here wasn't finished yet and I still have so much I hope to accomplish. If I left before my time was done, I know I'd always regret it and wonder what could've been.
Strangely enough, despite feeling so alone, I also managed to find time to grow in my artistic pursuits by revamping my creative Instagram (@amandacpearson), learning more about UX/UI design and graphic art, and drawing and creating more than ever. I also started to set more creative goals for myself this year that will push me to produce more content that inspires and motivates me.
I hope to write more consistently on here at least once a month either about what's going on with me or the world; I really want to be more proactive as a writer this year, too, by getting out of my comfort zone and writing when I don't want to.
Honestly, since graduating college something I've been struggling with this growing feeling of insecurity towards my work; I feel as though I'm fading into irrelevancy and that my words and body of work matter to people less and less; I feel as though I'm taking up space no one wants me in - and that's a cycle of thought I hope to break this year. I'm reminded and encouraged - quite randomly at times - about how necessary my words are in today's world, and (as someone who's always lived with insecurity) I struggle to believe that for myself.
But it wasn't until I had someone close to me open up about how my writing really impacted them that things started clicking into place. I realized that God has given me a gift to steward and that - like all gifts and talents - it must be sharpened and wielded often, and with great care. So, I hope to grow and nourish it more this year and share that experience with others as not only an encouragement but also a reminder of how God is always using the parts of ourselves we tend to think of as insignificant and turning them into our greatest gifts that give Him glory.
