Dear God...

Written 10/07/2015

Hello. I should've spoken to You sooner instead of doing my own thing. I'm still learning what it means to be Your child and I certainly do not always do what I say I will or say what's right all the time. Thank You for being patient with me.

For so long I was consumed with this desire to do something important. I truly wanted to honor You, yet still do something I actually cared about. I have a heart for the Syrian refugees, especially the children. My heart broke as my eyes could not unsee the images in front of me of that dying baby writhed in pain. I knew from then on that I had to do something. It was an automatic response.

Now I face the challenge of whether I should go back into my passion with law, especially immigration law, or with my passion for ministry by going into seminary. I know what you've called me to: seminary . . . youth pastor . . .

Why is this so hard to accept? Why does my heart become so happy with the idea of learning more about You, yet feel so sad that I cannot learn how to care for the refugees in a practical way. But, maybe I should start asking myself, "What does 'practical' really mean?" Is it through law and government? Or, is it through ministry? As a lawyer? Or, as a missionary? As a teacher? Or, as a pastor? Only You know all these things. Only You know all the answers.

I am afraid of doing something that steps out of Your will. I want to go where You call me. Right now, my heart just wants to go to the Middle East and love all those refugees who are lost, tired, and broken. I want to address their needs in any way that I can. My heart yearns for them to know that You love them.

I don't know all the answers, but You do. May my heart trust in your provision and in Your perfect timing. Break every ounce of pride and self-interest in me. May you truly have Your way in me.

Amen.